Subject: FW: Actual newspaper ads

From: [email-masked] (Farhad Oroumchian)
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1998 11:50:38 -0400

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Funny Things In the News - Actual Newspaper Ads and Classifieds:

1 Man, 7 Woman Hot Tub -- $850/Offer
Amana Washer $100.  Owned By Clean Bachelor Who Seldom Washed.
Snow Blower For Sale...Only Used On Snowy Days.
Free Puppies...Part German Shepherd, Part Dog
2 Wire Mesh Butchering Gloves, 1 5-Finger, 1 3-Finger, Pair: $15
Tickle Me Elmo, Still In Box, Comes With Its Own 1988 Mustang, 5sp,
Automatic, Excellent Condition $6800
Tickle Me Elmo.  New In Box.  Hardly Tickled.  $700
Black Face Cows, Calves...Also 1 Gay Bull For Sale.
'83 Toyota Hunchback -- $2000
Star Wars Job Of The Hut -- $15
Do Something Special For Your Valentine - Have Your Septic Tank Pumped.
Free Puppies:  1/2 Cocker Spaniel - 1/2 Sneaky Neighbor Dog
Free Yorkshire Terrier.  8 Years Old.  Unpleasant Little Dog.
Soft & Genital Bath Tissues Or Facial Tissue - 89 Cents
German Shepherd.  85 Lbs.  Neutered.  Speaks German..
Free... Full Sized Mattress. 20 Yr Warranty. Like New.  Slight Urine Smell.
Free...1 Can Of Pork & Beans With Purchase Of 3 Br 2 Bath Home.
For Sale:  Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man) - $50
Charmin Ultra Bathroom Tissue- Boneless
Nordic Track $300 - Hardly Used - Call Chubbie At 237-2317
Bill's Septic Cleaning - "We Haul American Made Products"
Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks
Found: Dirty White Dog... Looks Like A Rat... Been Out A While...Better Be A
Reward.
Hummels - Largest Selection Ever - "If It's In Stock, We Have It!"
Get A Little John - The Traveling Urinal - Holds 2-1/2 Bottles Of Beer.
President's Choice - Cow Manure - 2  33lb Bags - $5
Hands For Health - Heidi Hoar - Registered Massage Therapist
Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club
Georgia Peaches - California Grown - 89 Cents Lb.
For Rent - Vibrator - Well Used
Cute Kitten For Sale, 2 Cents Or Best Offer
Border Collie Female To A Good Hoe.  Good With Children.
Whirlpool Built In Oven-Frost Free!
Barbie Country Ride -- (Note: Most Dolls Cannot Pedal The Bike).
'93 Pontiac Lemons - Low Miles
Frozen Soft & Gentle Bath Tissue - 4 Rolls 99 Cents
American Flag - 60 Stars - Pole Included - $100
Kittens 8 Weeks Old - Seeking Good Christian Home.
Tired Of Working For Only $9.75 Per Hour?  We Offer Profit Sharing And
Flexible Hours.  Starting Pay:  $7 - $9 Per Hour.
Notice: To Person Or Persons Who Took The Large Pumpkin On Highway 87 Near
Southridge Storage.  Please Return The Pumpkin And Be Checked. Pumpkin May
Be Radioactive.  All Other Plants In Vicinity Are Dead.
Free:  Farm Kittens.  Ready To Eat.

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