Subject: Clarification of Corporate Lingo

From: Farhad Oroumchian <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 12:55:27 -0500 (EST)

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Clarification of Corporate Lingo

"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our
competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you;

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll
dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:"  You'll be six months behind schedule on
your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time each
weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED:" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that
way).

"APPLY IN PERSON:"  If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the
position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is
just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: " You'll need it
to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in
perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" you'll have the responsibilities of a
manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen,
figure out what they want and do it.

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: "I've used
Microsoft Office.

"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:"  I hope you don't ask me
about all  the McJobs I've had.

"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:"  I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'M PERSONABLE:"  I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
co-workers.

"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:"  I carry a Day-Timer.

"I AM ADAPTABLE:"   I've changed jobs a lot.

"I AM ON THE GO:"  I'm never at my desk.

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:"  The minute I find a better job,
I'm outta there.

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