Subject: Translation Fun

From: Farhad Oroumchian <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 10:50:56 -0500 (EST)

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Date: Mon, 08 Feb 1999 08:15:33 -0500
From: Vance Christiaanse <[email-masked]>
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To: TW <[email-masked]>
Subject: Translation Fun
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Terrible Translation—
WSigns of the Times

  In a Tokyo Hotel: "Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you
are not
  person to do such thing is please not to read notis." 

  In another Japanese hotel room: "Please to bathe inside the tub." 

  In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that
  time we regret that you will be unbearable." 

  In a Leipzig elevator: "Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when
lit up." 

  In a Belgrade hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for
wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more
  persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is
then going alphabetically by national order." 

  In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front
desk." 

  In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily." 

  In a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is
the job of
  the chambermaid." 

  In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid." 

  "In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery: You are welcome to visit the
  cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and
writers are buried daily except Thursday." 

  In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: "Not to perambulate the
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of
  ascension." 

  On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to
hope for." 

  On the menu of a Polish hotel: "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red
beat soup with cheesy dumplings in the form
  of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the
country people's fashion." 

  In a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend
courteous, efficient self-service." 

  Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs." 

  In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush
we will execute customers
  in strict rotation." 

  Similarly, from a Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exibition of
Aets by 15,000 Soviet
  Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two
years." 

  In an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
shape since the contractors have thrown
  in the bulk of their workers." 

  In a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
porter." 

  A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: "It is strictly forbidden on
our black forest camping site that people of
  different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent
unless they are married with each other for
  that purpose." 

  In a Zurich hotel: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is
  suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose." 

  In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the
latest Methodists." 

  A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has
been passed under the bridge since this
  variation has been played." 

  In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
afternoon
  having a good time." 

  In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: "Take one of our horse-driven
city tours
  -- we guarantee no miscarriages." 

  Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on
your own ass? 

  On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: "To stop the drip, turn cock to
right." 

  In the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from
their own skin." 

  On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work
throughout its usefil life. 

  Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways." 

  In a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream." 

  In a Bangkok temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman even a
foreigner if dressed as a man." 

  In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts." 

  In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send
them in all directions." 

  On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to
the USSR, you are welcome to it." 

  In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have
children in the bar." 

  At a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any
suitable food, give it to the guard on duty." 

  In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other
diseases." 

  In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water
served here." 

  In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find
they are best in the long run."

  From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: "If
  you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
yourself." 

  From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: "When passenger of foot
heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet
  him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
tootle him with vigor." 

  Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: "English well talking. - Here
speeching American." 

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Rights Reserved. 
                                   Last updated January 17, 1999

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