Lou Ruppert
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highly sought-after online home of Lou Ruppert. The most popular
questions about our product are located below:
Who/What are you (Lou Ruppert)?
Mankind has been asking that question for centuries in one form or
another. Yes, in fact the question of who one is is almost as old as
mankind himself. However, I will spare you the lengthy philosophical
essay and get down to the sordid details, mostly to keep you from
speeding to the back button. I am a man. Want to know more? OK. I am
an artist, a student, a poet, a writer, a programmer, a
systems administrator, and a college graduate, and that's not even counting
the various four letter words others have offered to help me describe
myself. Why are none of these titles exactly correct? Because they
don't explain my full purpose in life: I am a servant of God.
Feh! We want vital statistics.
Very well.
- Height: 6'1"
- Weight: 165-170lbs
- Eyes: Blue
- Hair: Not blue
- Age: I was born in 1972. You're smart enough to use a computer, you
figure it out.
Isn't there a better picture of you?
No. I do not photograph well. As an example, here is a worse picture of me in glasses. I look
like Ralphie from A Christmas Story. I guess it's
understandable though, as they're the same glasses I had during my
hemp-smoking groove-monkey days as a disco
king in the late 70's. If that doesn't thrill you, here is a picture of my butt.
What do you do, apart from writing home pages?
Nothing. I am a filthy leech on society. I drain the resources of the
western industrio-capitalist machine. Ha ha. Just kidding. I am
studying to get my credentials as a full time minister of some kind or
another (see the web pages I did for the church group
I'm in), and when I'm not doing that, the kind ladies and gentlemen
at NPAC pay me to keep their suns
running. Given that all 30 or so of them are about as well behaved as
me, it is a full time job.
Given your pathetic social life, you must have many hobbies, right?
Sorta. I brew wine (which for you ecclesiastical types is only
ambrosia), write stuff, cultivate bitter black
temperments, complain, and kick puppies. (If you are evaluating me for a
character reference, or are a sufficiently attractive young lady with a
keen interest in animal rights, disregard the last hobby. Kicking
puppies, although great fun in theory, is a cruel and senseless thing to
do.)
I miss your old home page, the one where you were nicer. What have
you done with it, you horrible little man?
Wuss. However if you must be a sentimental fool,
here is is.
You are a stud. If I am male, I would like to be like you. If I
am female, I would like to bear your many virile children. But, how come
you have no crowds of women following you around?
(Aw shucks.) I guess women don't like me. I have two explanations for this:
- I lied about my vital statistics. You will note that only my head is
portrayed in the picture. I am, in actuality, only 4'3" tall and weigh
nearly 2000 lbs. That is why I was hired at NPAC. I am physically
unable to leave the lab where the computers are. I have no arms or legs,
so I am forced to type with my tongue and my nose. This turns women
off. However, my unusual physique means that I'm often mistaken for a
common bean-bag chair, which relates to how I plan to father my first child.
- I am a raving lunatic.
- I am a compulsive liar who has trouble counting to primary numbers.
No I'm not.
None of my explanations above seem very plausible, so all I can say is
that I must be a real charmer to have my luck.
I have another question. Will it ever be answered?
Maybe. If you email it here I
might answer it, or even put it up on my page for all to goggle at in
stunned admiration.